Nice guys don’t finish last, passive guys do. A loud and brash “jock” who asks a girl out on a date may or may not be nice, but he will always get more dates than the “nice guy” who just watches from afar. Don’t confuse being passive, self-centered, miserable, and living your life through other people as being nice. Being nice is about considering how your actions affect people and giving people pleasure. That includes yourself, you know. At the end of the day, why do you treat people nicely? Because you think/feel it’s the right thing to do? Are you rewarded with positive feelings when you do nice things for people? Think about that hard. If it makes you feel bad, it’s probably not a good thing to do. If you’ve tried being a “best friend” or a “slave” or whatever and it makes you feel bad, perhaps you shouldn’t do it anymore.
I’ve heard it said it’s the excitement of bad guys girls crave. Girls into that sort of thing don’t like situations that are really dangerous; they just like the fantasy and the thrill, it’s like a roller coaster ride. You can be exciting without being “dangerous.” Perhaps you go out clubbing every night, or you know a lot of people and get into the cool parties. Perhaps you’re into art or something and so is the girl who you like. She might find that exciting! While being “bad” is seen by a lot of people as being cool and exciting, not everyone is into that sort of thing.
The truth of the matter is, after the physical side of things (don’t tell me that’s not important; how often do you go and talk to the ugly girl to check out her personality?), it’s about confidence and action. Most girls don’t want a doormat for their lover. Girls like to be pursued; it makes them feel wanted. Of course, it’s just no fun if they aren’t into the person doing the pursuing. You have to sell yourself. Be strong minded and go in for the kill. If you’re coming across as confident, amusing, and in control, you will do far better than if you come across as a needy, clingy, desperate wimp! Positive traits are called that because they make people feel positive emotions. Wouldn’t you just love it if the girl you had your eyes on made all the moves on you? What makes you think she’s any different?
So called “nice guys” don’t seem to have their own passions, their own excitement for life; they never show the girl anything new because they figure they are supposed to be passive. Sadly enough this is not the case! “Nice” guys, you can get all the girls you want: keep on caring and wanting to please (that’s wonderful!), it just takes a little perspective on what women want. Women don’t want a man who will blandly agree with them on everything; they want someone who will talk with them, listen well, and yet challenge their views. You should have your own opinions and your own exciting life, even as you care deeply for theirs. That way, you can both introduce each other to new things, and it’s called “romance,” not friendship. You can take a playful attitude towards romance, and try different things sometimes to play with emotions and see what happens. Things like jealousy and nervousness can go too far; but if taken with a playful attitude, they create drama. Don’t avoid these things completely. Again, it is drama that makes the difference between friendship and romance. Being “nice” doesn’t mean you always sit back and wait for her to do things; try something new, take initiative. If you really care about her, you will know that she will really enjoy it. She will start to take initiative on things as well. You will have a huge advantage over the mean guys!
“Nice guys” are insecure and think that by pleasing others, others will like them. Nice guys think that being nice means spoiling a girl in every way, doing everything she wants. A relationship is supposed to be a give and take, and even the most selfish person will eventually get tired of always being on the receiving end. A partner who grants any whim or desire without having any of his own is bound to become boring. No, this is not because nice = boring, or because mean = exciting. Rather, it’s because fulfilling relationships of any kind (including non-sexual relationships like friendship) are made richer through the depth they develop, as you discover the layers that make up the other person. If a guy doesn’t come back with opinions and desires of his own — even if they contradict hers, or perhaps especially if they do — he seems one-dimensional. If she like’s romance movies, she’d like her guy to be willing to see one with her sometimes even if he doesn’t like them, but she’d also want him to ask her to see an action or art movie with him… She want’s to feel like he has a variety of interests and that he wants her to become a part of his life as he is a part of hers. A submissive guy who spoils her makes her feel like he just wants to tag along in everything she wants to do, like he doesn’t care enough about anything to assert himself. Also, a guy who “spoils” her is the equivalent of a “yes-man” in business, or the teacher’s pet in a classroom: She end’s up feeling like he will agree with anything she say’s or want to impress me, not because he actually values her opinions or feelings. There seems to be a problem with the word “nice.” Nice doesn’t have to mean lap dog or spineless jellyfish.
A female friend of mine had this to say regarding her “nice guy” experiences:
“Nice guys tend to be clingy, and I can’t stand not having enough room to breathe. They tend to need to be mothered and protected, and I’m not ready for children. They tend to be passive, and that annoys me.”
Have plenty of self-confidence. Have a good command of who you are and what you have to offer — Like yourself and be happy with yourself. This will require proactive change in your life.
Many women say they want someone who is confident, witty, and in control. I made a few changes in myself as well. I’ll never be confused with Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. But I committed myself to fitness, and through a strict diet and strength training routine, I lost weight and put on muscle. I pay close attention to grooming and how I dress. I smile, make eye contact, flirt some. I don’t mind getting a bit racy at times.
And, unlike the past, I don’t just stand back in the shadows and wait to be introduced. I’m not afraid to politely step up to the plate and introduce myself and initiate conversation.
Another point to consider is that people need the bad to appreciate the good. Be very careful here or you will ruin everything. Why not be a little late once in a while? It will make her appreciate the times you are on time a little bit more, and of course, after the argument that follows, the making up is always fun.
The nice guy lives to please everyone around him at all costs — even if it means he has to sacrifice his own happiness. The nice guy does not practice the game of challenge and eventually gets dumped as the girl he loves becomes bored with all the niceness.
The so-called “jerk” is a strong, dominant, untamable man who knows the dating game and how to prioritize his life — putting himself first. He won’t let people walk all over him, and by doing so, he effectively becomes a challenge.
The reason women prefer to have nice guys as simple ‘friends’ is because they are listeners, thinkers, and nothing else. They are caring and trustworthy; but, unfortunately, they usually do not have the “fire” that the jerks have. This “fire” is absolutely necessary in a relationship because it adds challenge and excitement. If it is not obtained, boredom will choke the relationship to death.
Women want excitement, not boredom; so by becoming a CHALLENGE, women will not become bored.
After all, almost every activity humans do is enjoyed more when it is more challenging.
Written by: Joe Perrin
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